I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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