i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
