I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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