Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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