From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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