So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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