can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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