Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
