Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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