I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize