id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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