i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
