and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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