Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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