I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
