Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
