No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
