i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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