Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
