Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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