dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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