I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
