After last night, I could never be a politician.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
