She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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