you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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