awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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