i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
