The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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