At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
