My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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