You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
