i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize