Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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