she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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