i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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