i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
