the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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