The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
