"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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