I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
