oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
