i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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