you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
