How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
