I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
