gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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