Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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