Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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