This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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