Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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