apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
