Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize