Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
