if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
