I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
