hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize