She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
