I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
