I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
