Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
