he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
