tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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