this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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