I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
