These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
