Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
