Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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