I heard we made out
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
