After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
