So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize