I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
