Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize