just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
