saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
