Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
