Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
