One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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