Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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