Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
