I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
