If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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