my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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