It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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