i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
