my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize