The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
