Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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