he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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