i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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