He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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