It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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