Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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