Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
