she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I love you. Go after that dick
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
