Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
