Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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