You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize