Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
