We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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