Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
