Sry I called you an 8
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize