Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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