Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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