Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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