You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
