oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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